Billboards for Jesus Will Defeat the Evil Muslims..er..witches
This post was prompted by an article I saw recently about a Christian minister in Nigeria.
Dr. Ukadike’s a nice guy, really. And he’s a doctor, so he’s doing things tough, being a Christian and knowing enough about medicine to know how his religious beliefs amount to pretty much nothing when it comes to reality and fixing the badly-engineered human body. Not to mention he almost certainly works in a hospital, with scarcely enough supplies for normal, day-to-day emergencies, let alone a truckload of witches (oops, sorry, I meant “Muslims”) or their victims to be stitched back together every couple of days.
But he’s also decided to tell his fellow Nigerian Christianites that the Muslims who are murdering Christians for no good reason (a.k.a. the Qur’an, the international bestseller by Abū al-Qāsim Muḥammad ibn ʿAbd Allāh ibn ʿAbd al-Muṭṭalib ibn Hāshim, better known to his friends and enemies as Muhammed) aren’t actually people at all – they’re spirits or witches, silly!
And, as any medievalist worth his salt knows, the only way to defeat witches and spirits is to show them the faces of their victims, because that, you know, totally screws up their spiritiy-ness or something. Or is that for stopping devils stealing your soul? Or am I confusing that with the eyes? Anyway, the billboards would show the faces of the victims, or intended victims, of the evildoers, which would totally stop them in their tracks. Right?
You can read the full article here, or just do a search on Wikipedia on Boko Haram (“Westerners are unclean”). You’ll get the gist of these poor idiots pretty quickly. Anyway, here’s what I hammered out (but decided not to post on the site)…
Christians 0, Enemies of Christ, 1
I’m writing about the shocking situation in Nigeria, where Boko Haram members are murdering Christians because, well, because they can, and because “the book Mohammed made up” tells them it’s OK to do that.
It’s actually quite strange, because I’ve read the qur’an multiple times, very, very carefully, back to front (quite literally), and I just can’t see where it says “kill the Christians” (who it calls “the people of the book”, along with the jews). It does say “Respect the people of the book”, multiple times, but the “while you’re at it, kill ’em too!” bit just isn’t in there!
Maybe I should be reading the “Islam eXtreme” edition or something? See, I can see where ol’ Mo calls for jihad, and under what conditions (and he’s quite specific and clear about that), but there’s just nothing even remotely close to “kill the Christians”. Could it be that the muslims in Nigeria (and Kenya, and the Sudan, and….) are just making these things up? That would be terrible, wouldn’t it? That good, god-fearing muslims would just pretend to read stuff that isn’t in their bestseller, and then act on what they pretended to read – that would just be wrong, wouldn’t it?
But then again, considering how the book was written, by an epileptic man, primarily to explain away his fits and seizures as “holy revelations” (which was common practice back then), it wouldn’t necessarily surprise me that I could get much more out of the book by reading between the lines. Hey, it works for the Christians, why not the Muslims too?
So that’s what caused the whole kerfuffle in the first place – the Muslims were practicing their peaceful Islamic skills, and the Christians just happened to get in their way. Hey, it can happen to anyone, right?
Speaking of the two religions, I’m quite surprised that mainstream, “moderate” Christians and Muslims haven’t seen fit to step in and try and rein back their fringe-dwelling rebellious brothers before this. Where’s Archbishop Desmond Tutu when you need him?
That’s the Book, That’s The Book, That’s the Book – The Book Of Love
So you see, we have a very serious situation in Africa, created, fanned, and maintained by believers of the same two “holy” books.
In Kenya, the Christianites used the bible to make them feel good about murdering defenceless old ladies. In Nigeria, the Muslims used the Qur’an to make them feel good about murdering defenceless Christians. And the Christians in Nigeria used the bible to make them feel superior to the Muslims who were killing them. What?
The Christian version of these books, the bible, suggested to Dr Ukadike that his opponents are djinns, devils, spirits, and/or witches, who can be defeated (as any good Catholic or Lutheran knows) simply by showing them the faces of their opponents. Now, that kind of thinking went out before the Renaissance. So why is this bizarre pseudo-psychology still alive and kicking 350+ years later in the Christian and Muslim religions? (Please note, this is not just happening in Africa – in the United States, attacks on “witches” and witchcraft is increasing every year in the most religious communities in the Bible Belt, though it hasn’t yet reached the same levels of depravity as it has in the Christian communities in Africa. Yet.)
That kind of incoherent “witches and warlocks” thinking is uncannily close to the Kenyan Christian community, which just a few weeks ago went one tiny little step further, and began burning their innocent opponents – oops, sorry, “witches” – alive. The smoke from the charred carcases of those poor women hasn’t cleared away yet, and here we see another Christian community taking the same steps, authorised by – in fact, demanded by – the same book.
Why is this behaviour – calling people witches and then murdering them – being permitted by Christian churches anywhere else? Don’t they read the news? Don’t they believe the African Christian churches are Christian enough? What’s the reason for the deafening silence, I wonder?
I’m not, you are! No, you are!
Unfortunately, the Muslim thugs are no better than the Christians – in fact, they’re just as deluded.
I mean, the name they’ve chosen for themselves (Boko Haram) quite literally means “Western society (or people) are unclean”. That should be ringing bells all across Islam and Christendom!
You see, there’s not a hell of a lot of difference between ‘unclean’ and ‘inhuman’, and we all know what happened the last time someone in power thought a race of people were inhuman, don’t we? And yes, I am directly correlating the Holocaust, which was created, fanned, and aided by mainstream Christian sentiments, to the situation in the African Christian and Muslim communities – my question is, why hasn’t everyone else seen the obvious religious parallels?
Let’s Pray It Away. Like in Darfur. Or Kenya.
Are people in the Western world’s major religions just waiting to see what happens? As if, somehow the magick thinking will defeat the Muslim devils without causing any further damage to the already shattered nations? Or do all Christians believe that the “witches” in Kenya deserved to die, screaming as they were burned alive?
What if Dr. Ukedike manages to get all his people’s faces on billboards, only to have them slaughtered by the peaceful Islamic Muslims anyway, since (after all) the Muslims seem to be fairly sure they’re not actually evil spirits. No, the Muslims responsible for the slaughter are just evil people. And anyway, billboards don’t work on people set upon killing other people because of what an unlettered epileptic got someone much smarter than him to copy out in a tent 800 years ago. Or hadn’t anyone noticed?
So what we have is two groups of religious people accusing each other of being evil, based on the same set of man-made books. And they’ve started murdering one another – and other people, just for the kicks – based on those same two books. If that doesn’t cause chronic cognitive dissonance, I don’t know what will.
Man up, you Religious Chickenshits!
When are religious people going to realise that these books are directly responsible for the horrific tragedy occurring before their eyes?
Wasn’t the carnage over the centuries of crusades enough? Weren’t the wars between the British and the French, the French and the Spanish, the British and the Spanish, the British and the Dutch, the Dutch and the French, the Spanish and the Dutch, and various combinations of those countries, enough? Weren’t the Inquisitions (you remember, those same Inquisitions that are still very much alive and well in the Catholic church today) enough? Wasn’t the Holocaust enough? Wasn’t Darfur enough? Wasn’t Kenya enough? How much is it going to take before the Christians and the Muslims man up and begin to take responsibility for the incalculable damage their religions have done to the world over the ages – and more to the point, what they’re doing right now in Nigeria and Kenya, amongst others?
Of course, books don’t kill people, people do – but in order for people to kill each other with a perfectly clean conscience, they need to be told that it’s OK to kill the other guy for believing the ‘wrong’ thing in the same books. And that’s what the bible and qur’an are doing, right now, in Africa.
Shame on you, Christians. Shame on you, Muslims.